She Tracked Away (Part 1)

I’m a man. I’m not a boy anymore, I try to and I do understand everything about her. Yes, her. The girl that I love the most that I never thought to be fall in love with. She’s different. Sometimes, I wonder what if she didn’t come; I’m still in a miserable life, I drink a lot, all night. I’m with a group of mischievous guys who bully weak and cry baby persons in school. I go for riot. I punch and kick anyone I want to. I’m a boss.

My Mom would always remind me to be like Dad. If she just knew, I once saw my Dad in a coffee shop kissing another girl. I’m hurt for my dear Mama. But I don’t have the courage to tell her. I love Ma, and seeing her crying would be the most painful thing in the world. I can’t even confront Dad, I may say that I understand him for cheating. Mom is nagger, they fight a lot. As seldom as once in a blue moon I could see them laughing together. Pretending I am not affected, I’m with a younger sister who is a sweet and cry baby. She always hugs me and asks me to prepare milk before bed. She drinks the half, and will give it to me.

“Da-da, drink too. It will make you strong!!!” She said it with action. Dada, is what she calls me. She is just my half sister, Dianne is a daughter of my Dad with a prostitute but the biggest lie of our lives was telling Ma that she is a daughter of a cousin and asks our family to raise her due to financial problem. No one told me but I saw it in a piece of paper Dad wrote. I guess that milk truly made me strong.

It was the darkest chapter of my life. One night, I went home. The ambiance is different and everything is in slow motion. I clearly hear the shouts and angry voices of my parents. Dianne is hugging her doll, crying. I was stunned. I don’t know if it really happens, is it a haze of the liquor?  No. it is live. And everything was…  I don’t want to remember that scene.

This car I’m driving now is my dad’s, almost five years ago when he died. Died of heart attack and mom with suicide, my baby sister is in the orphanage with special needs now. She got trauma, after that nightmare we’ve gone through. Everything is tragic — was tragic. Beside me is a bouquet. She loves tulips. Yes, her. That girl I loved the most. Going to her to settle things, I want to marry her. But traffic is on my way, my GPS detected it. A deep sigh.

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